A Glorious Grosvenor, we did Gallivant!

Weds 6th October

The Biltmore Hotel

The Pine Bar, 44 Grosvenor Square, London, W1K 2HP

Our October party at The Biltmore, Grosvenor Square, was a glorious night of peachy pink ‘Axia Paradise’ cocktails complimenting the five-star interior-designed private room, warm lighting, cool music and outstanding canapes.

The Biltmore was certainly a magical backdrop for glamorous guests to meet and connect.

We enjoyed chef Paul Walsh’s marvellous creations of canapes;

Coronation chicken scotch eggs, Seared Bluefin Tuna with wasabi Mayonnaise, Whipped Tunworth Cheese with figs and Heather honey, Salt Marsh Lamb fritters with minted harissa yoghurt and Old Bay Seasoned King Prawns with mango Thai Som tam dip and Berkswell and quince croquettes. 

The whole experience left our taste buds tingling!

 

 

We sipped on delicious Axia Mastiha cocktails. Axia is a luxury spirit class blending old world tradition with new world innovation. Axia Brand Ambassador and Mixologist Mike Goncalves was on hand to talk us through how the brand came about and where it’s headed, you saw it here first!

Axia (meaning ‘value’ in Greek) is a refreshing, extra-dry Mastiha spirit.  Mastiha is found on the island of Chios. For over two thousand years this ancient superfood has been used to richly flavour foods and treat numerous ailments. A rare, versatile and sustainable ingredient whose authentic character cannot be replicated. It is definitely Greece’s most

exotic spice and Axia is set to be the cocktail mixologists favourite.

Thank you to the whole Biltmore team for your first-class service.  Paul Walsh for outstanding food, Sara, Matt, Nerijus and Morgan.  We so appreciate your attention to detail and making our party such a wonderful success.  We look forward to using our free Axia cocktail card – thank you!  And coming back again for more cocktails at The Pine Bar soon. 

 

Winter cocktails in a cosy bar, count me in! 

Barbara

x


 

Barbara Brudenell-Bruce

Barbara is a classic entrepreneur; her career has been defined by a series of iconic start-ups within telecoms, entertainment and fashion. She leads Investor Relations for a London-based consultancy raising capital for entrepreneurs. Alongside financial matchmaking she represents exclusive offline matchmaking agency Vida in London & Monaco, connecting their UHNW clients. Barbara’s innate sense of what it takes to fit people together, with a flair of hosting exquisite events, makes her a social anchor for all that know her.

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Thank you Italian Greyhound!

Wednesday 1st of September 2021

The Italian Grey Hound: Garden Room:  Marylebone W1.

Our ‘Italian Job’ party was a roaring and cheeky success, despite the absence of either Michael Caine or a fleet of red, white, and blue minis!

We love having our very own room – the naughty corner in the basement bar, complete with an outside courtyard that was clearly the place to be.  ‘You will always find me in the courtyard at parties’, as Jonah Louie would have sung had he been there, and boy, he should have been.

A delicious, chilled glass of their Italian Grillo greeted us, and then a procession of gorgeous bite-sized Pizzettas – with colourful aphrodisiac toppings:

Vesuvius tomato, anchovy, oregano & wild rocket

Calabrian chilli sausage, wild chicory, Stracciatella

Yellow peach, Prosciutto di Norcia, ricotta, basil

We were joined by radiant Health Coach Eva Akerholm. She spoke with several guests who had different issues ranging from wanting to lose weight, managing stress, increasing energy levels and specific dietary issues. If you would like to contact her, her email is eakerholm@yahoo.co.uk

The transformed Bernardi’s was the perfect setting for our singles to mingle. It’s spacious garden room and restaurant refreshed with subtle hues, think Farrow & Ball and stripey awnings with plenty of vibrant outdoor space. Loving the new name too – out with The Doghouse private room, in with The Italian Greyhound.  Woof woof!

More marvellous memories were made in this W1 basement gem, adding to the many we have gathered over the years.

Thank you, Italian Greyhound, for being such generous hosts. We enjoyed it immensely and look forward to returning to this chic bar and restaurant as a regular rendezvous favourite Date Nightspot.

Some lovely feedback –

Dear Barbara

Thank you for organising yesterday evening’s superb event at The Italian Greyhound and for kindly finding a ticket for me in time. I had the most wonderful evening! Haven’t enjoyed myself so much for ages! Met a wide selection of really lovely people and made new friends and am already very excited for the next event. I very much felt I was finally meeting people with whom I resonate: my tribe, as you said.

Can’t wait for the next one!

P x


Good afternoon, Barbara,

I just wanted to say, what a wonderful evening I had, last night. I met so many wonderful, like- minded people. I will definitely be attending another evening!

Best

T


HI Barbara,

Thanks for a fun evening last night and glad to know about the venue. I had a number of interesting conversations; it’s refreshing that you can circulate easily.   I thought the pizza was especially delicious!

M x

 

Barbara Brudenell-Bruce

Barbara is a classic entrepreneur; her career has been defined by a series of iconic start-ups within telecoms, entertainment and fashion. She leads Investor Relations for a London-based consultancy raising capital for entrepreneurs. Alongside financial matchmaking she represents exclusive offline matchmaking agency Vida in London & Monaco, connecting their UHNW clients. Barbara’s innate sense of what it takes to fit people together, with a flair of hosting exquisite events, makes her a social anchor for all that know her.

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Bentley's party

Bentley’s Summer Lightning – A Summer Success!

SUMMER LIGHTNING PARTY AT BENTLEY’S OYSTER BAR & GRILL

Tuesday 3rd August 2021

The frankly chilly! August weather did not stop our lively crowd of single professionals from dressing to impress for our stunning party at Bentley’s. The elegant, spacious Swallow Street rooms, one of Piccadilly’s hidden gems, downstairs was the perfect backdrop for us to socialise in our private rooms – yes, not one but two.

The party kicked off with a welcome glass of Piper Heidsieck champagne with Richard Corrigan’s kitchen treating us with spoonsful of delicious Ceviche of Scallops and Gurnard Red Onion, Lime, Chilli along with cheese Gougère bites. Oysters could be ordered by those fancying them or indeed fancying sharing them! The impeccable Bentleys team of Adrian, Corrado and Alexis were on hand to keep our chattering crowd’s orders filled with great efficiency, no long queues at the bar for us. We had better things to do!

Who recognised our friend Bethany Russell, not is she just a raven-haired dream of a girl, she knows how to run an event and genuinely loves mingling and chatting and making sure everyone is happy.   I think there is a blog about her fine self somewhere on the Rendezvous website! We have a long history of working together. It’s not just Lou and I she gets along so well with. She loves all you gorgeous, fun, brilliant and maybe slightly eccentric people! Bethany and I met at Franco’s famous Rosé party and have run parties together at The Goat, Aquavit, The Court, Franco’s and now Bentley’s.

Now then, back to you lovely people… what a guest list we had, we booked 75 people for a party in August. Woop! 10 of those were pinged on the days running up to the party, but the United Pingdom of Rendezvous was not deterred, everything aligned perfectly, and on the night, we had a marvellously even split of men and women. We were delighted to welcome so many new guests and mingle into the crowd – thank you, Robin S, for helping us do that.

The room was quickly buzzing with conversation and laughter, with some choosing the quiet area of the library side to get to know each other.

It’s wonderful to hear that so many of you started new friendships and even were spotted eating a late supper upstairs. Bentley’s have three parties of their own in August, so if you fancy dropping in again, please check our newsletter (or their website) for details.

Some Lovely Feedback –

Good morning Barbara,

Thank you for inviting me to yesterday’s Summer Lightning Party. It was a real pleasure to meet you in person and thank you for all your hard work in putting together such a great mix of people in a great venue.

I had a lovely evening and have connected with a few people whom may become real friends, which is what it’s all about.

Warmest regards,

P


Dear Barbara

Thank you for organising the Bentleys event last night, it was very well attended with some charming people.

B


Dear Barbara,

Thank you so much for a delightful party last night, I had a great time. After the difficult lock down months, everyone was in the mood to party, so there was a lively, friendly atmosphere. You are a great hostess, always very welcoming and you always manage to gather such interesting people!

Looking forward to your next event.

M x


Hello Barbara

Many thanks for a very entertaining evening last night.  Everyone’s delight at being able to mingle and meet new people was palpable. 

It also was striking how friendly everyone was, men and women, I look forward to coming again.

Best

P


 

Barbara Brudenell-Bruce

Barbara is a classic entrepreneur; her career has been defined by a series of iconic start-ups within telecoms, entertainment and fashion. She leads Investor Relations for a London-based consultancy raising capital for entrepreneurs. Alongside financial matchmaking she represents exclusive offline matchmaking agency Vida in London & Monaco, connecting their UHNW clients. Barbara’s innate sense of what it takes to fit people together, with a flair of hosting exquisite events, makes her a social anchor for all that know her.

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Rendezvous Returns at 28:50 Chelsea

Rendezvous Return Party at 28°- 50° Chelsea

22nd June 2021

What a wonderful night we had at the swish new Chelsea edition of our favourite restaurant family: 28:50. Our first party since September last year, how crazy to have had our wings clipped for all this time.

We were greeted by 28:50’s Head of Marketing, Jen Atkins, who is an unstoppable force; no ask, however small, is a problem such is her uniquely positive attitude.  Like a champagne cork that has just popped, she was off like a torpedo hosting our every whim.  I don’t know about you, our wonderful guests, but I could get used to that!  More effervescence came in the form of a glass of Prosecco on arrival which slipped down exceptionally well and 28:50 treated us with their signature snacks including delicious truffle arancini and artichoke tempura with aioli.  And just as it looked as if we might be about to faint from hunger (maybe a slight exaggeration) along came tray after tray of man-size burgers on delightfully light and fluffy brioche buns, I think the word on everyone’s lips was ‘don’t mind if I do’.

So, I think you’re getting the picture. Sumptuous and brand-new restaurant, highly capable staff including the fabulous Jen, Manager Monika overseeing, and the wonderful Ruben topping up drinks.

And what about our guests?  Yes, you.  There was such great energy in the room; the newbies were scooped up and treated like old friends and old friends treated as precious treasure.  It really is such a joy to have Rendezvous’ wonderful events back – thank you all for supporting us over the years and continually introducing us to your delightful, single friends.

Looking forward to a bigger party in August and I do apologise (on behalf of Boris) for the smaller numbers.

 

Some lovely feedback….

“Just want to thank you for a lovely evening. So good to see old friends and make links with new”


“Great evening last night.  So good to be back seeing all the Rendezvous-ers and to be free again socialising and seeing all the gang!! Loved the venue and the food was very good!! Looking forward to the next event”


“Thank you very much for organising such a great evening, I really enjoyed meeting new people and having lots of superb chats.”

 

Barbara Brudenell-Bruce

Barbara is a classic entrepreneur; her career has been defined by a series of iconic start-ups within telecoms, entertainment and fashion. She leads Investor Relations for a London-based consultancy raising capital for entrepreneurs. Alongside financial matchmaking she represents exclusive offline matchmaking agency Vida in London & Monaco, connecting their UHNW clients. Barbara’s innate sense of what it takes to fit people together, with a flair of hosting exquisite events, makes her a social anchor for all that know her.

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How to strengthen your immune system

How to strengthen your immune system | with Eva Akerholm | March 21st 2021

 

As we start to go out and mingle with our families and friends again, it’s worth taking some steps now to prevent falling ill when we meet our loved ones.

Barbara chatted to a renowned health coach, Eva Akerholm.  The talk was a positive exploration of the impacts of isolation and restriction, and how to come out of it strong and healthy.

Eva talked about how the Covid pandemic has caused a number of factors that actually weakens our immune system at a time when:

  • Staying inside with no direct sunlight makes us deficient in Vit D.
  • Limited time outdoors reduces our access to oxygen and masks means we breathe in toxins.
  • The extended period of isolation with lack of human contact is mentally challenging.
  • Lack of exposure of the immune system to viruses and bacteria makes it weaker.

 

Eva’s long-held passion to support people to become healthier and find a balance in their life is paramount in this interview.

If you were unable to join us – please do take the opportunity to watch the video.  It’s only 30 mins and there is a lively Q&A at the end.

 

Youtube link https://youtu.be/oc1stDTZHAA

 

Who is Eva Akerholm?

Eva’s passion is to support people to become healthier and find a balance in their life. She is a certified Health Coach who studied at the Institute of Integrative Nutrition in NYC. The holistic approach covers, among other things, exercise, career, relationship, and spirituality. What we eat is driven by the way we live so by becoming aware of our cravings, understanding the impact of stress on our bodies and how lack of sleep impacts our appetite, we can start to turn life around, find balance and consciously eat and live the life we want and deserve.  A trial 30 min session starts at £20 to assess your health goals and to see if you’re suited to work together. Email: – eakerholm@yahoo.co.uk

 

Barbara Brudenell-Bruce

Barbara is a classic entrepreneur; her career has been defined by a series of iconic start-ups within telecoms, entertainment and fashion. She leads Investor Relations for a London-based consultancy raising capital for entrepreneurs. Alongside financial matchmaking she represents exclusive offline matchmaking agency Vida in London & Monaco, connecting their UHNW clients. Barbara’s innate sense of what it takes to fit people together, with a flair of hosting exquisite events, makes her a social anchor for all that know her.

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Rendezvous gives you wings!

What a pleasure it was to host our first event since February.  Our group of 30 socially distanced guests arrived for a party and what a back-drop we gave them!

Things have changed since we last saw you.  There are a whole bunch of rules. Guestlist, check.  Name badge, check.  Heat test, check!  Coats yes, but it’s a rack and the staff aren’t allowed to touch your things.  Kiss Barbara, no.  Kiss Lou, no.  Elbow bump, yes.  Touch anyone, by mistake, no.  Pick up a welcome drink, yes, choose from five tasting tables for a bumper wine tasting lasting two hours, hell yes!

28:50, the luxurious Covent Garden space and sister restaurant to the well-established Marylebone Lane restaurant of the same name. Some thirty wines are available by the glass, bottle and carafe and start at a very wallet-friendly £4.70 for 125ml all served alongside a chic European menu.

28:50’s sommelier Daniel Sanna and the group’s super star Gina Lowen assembled the stars of his wine list and we were treated to tasting tables including:

Kingscote (East Grinstead)/Berne (Provence)

Kingscote Sparkling Brut 2018, Kingscote Sparkling Rosé Brut 2018, Kingscote Chardonnay 2019, Kingscote Silvan Bacchus 2019, Berne Inspiration Berne Espirit Méditerranée

Champagnes & Chateaux

Champagne Canard Duchene Cuvée Leonie N.V and Champagne Canard Duchene Cuvee Leonie Rose.

Château de Candie, Viognier

2019 Vintage, 28:50s own Vineyards at the Chateau de Candie in Chambéry, Savoie, France.

Friarwood

2016 Domaine des Masque, Syrah ‘Exception’

Marvellous Mirabeau

And lastly, our friends Peter, Natalie and Richard from Mirabeau showed up with a show-stopper of a table full of tasting treats including magnums of Mirabeau Pure, Mirabeau Sparkling rose and a tasty drink for those on the move (or perhaps the train or Uber home) rose in a can!

We were treated to what seemed like a never-ending flow of delicious canapes from Head Chef Julien Baris, including mini cheeseburgers, spicy hummus on beetroot crackers, truffle arancini and decadent artichoke tempura with aioli sauce.

The night ended on a high and us all wishing we could have stayed on and on.  As good nights roll this has got to be one of the best!

 

 

 

Barbara Brudenell-Bruce

Barbara is a classic entrepreneur; her career has been defined by a series of iconic start-ups within telecoms, entertainment and fashion. She leads Investor Relations for a London-based consultancy raising capital for entrepreneurs. Alongside financial matchmaking she represents exclusive offline matchmaking agency Vida in London & Monaco, connecting their UHNW clients. Barbara’s innate sense of what it takes to fit people together, with a flair of hosting exquisite events, makes her a social anchor for all that know her.

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A lovely time in the Vines

Mirabeau brought some Southern French fun into our homes and gardens with a very special virtual rosé experience. It was lovely seeing you, chairs pulled up, glass of the pink poured, and joining us for an entertaining hour.

Stephen and Jeany Cronk, founders of Mirabeau en Provence, were live from Domain Mirabeau, their sumptuous wine estate tucked away in the heart of Provence. With their good-humoured story about the ups and downs and process of establishing the UK’s most popular rosé brand it was a welcome break from the Lockdown blues.

 

Barbara Brudenell-Bruce

Barbara is a classic entrepreneur; her career has been defined by a series of iconic start-ups within telecoms, entertainment and fashion. She leads Investor Relations for a London-based consultancy raising capital for entrepreneurs. Alongside financial matchmaking she represents exclusive offline matchmaking agency Vida in London & Monaco, connecting their UHNW clients. Barbara’s innate sense of what it takes to fit people together, with a flair of hosting exquisite events, makes her a social anchor for all that know her.

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Podcast – “Divorce Needn’t be Complicated”

While in Covid-lockdown, Rendezvous chatted to The Divorce Surgery. If you or someone close to you needs advice on divorcing the considerate way, read on.

The Divorce Surgery was set up by Samantha Woodham and Harry Gates both family law barristers who were tired of seeing couples fighting in court; left at the end much poorer, emotionally, and financially.

When it comes to divorce it is an emotional roller coaster. One moment you will perceive ‘I’ve got this’ only to feel upside down and have no idea where to turn moments later. The challenge is often not knowing where to begin. Divorce remains shrouded in stigma; associated with acrimony, stress, and huge legal fees. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

If you do want legal advice but are anxious about cost then consider using a fixed-fee, One Couple One Lawyer service. The Divorce Surgery can direct the disclosure process and provide an expert barrister to advise you both together as to what a court would consider fair.

 

Listen to Rendezvous talking to The Divorce Surgery

podcast

 

Barbara Brudenell-Bruce

Barbara is a classic entrepreneur; her career has been defined by a series of iconic start-ups within telecoms, entertainment and fashion. She leads Investor Relations for a London-based consultancy raising capital for entrepreneurs. Alongside financial matchmaking she represents exclusive offline matchmaking agency Vida in London & Monaco, connecting their UHNW clients. Barbara’s innate sense of what it takes to fit people together, with a flair of hosting exquisite events, makes her a social anchor for all that know her.

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Latest Ideas for an Outdoor Date!

With summer on our doorstep and sunshine in the sky, it’s the perfect setting for an outdoor date! Check out our recommendations for London enjoying fresh air romance in natural settings.

The rules around being outside and with whom are changing every week, so we always recommend that you follow any protocols that are advised. That said with summer on our doorstep and sunshine in the sky, it’s really ideal for an outdoor date. Here are our recommendations in London for enjoying inspiring fresh air romance in natural settings. Perfect for walking and talking without anything but the view to distract you.

 

London

The Royal Parks in London are the most accessible by foot or bicycle so you can avoid travelling on public transport. You may also want to try Wheely for car transport as they have strict protocols around cleaning of vehicle interiors and drivers wearing masks. Regents Park is glorious and the perfect time to visit the rose garden. St James Park and Green Park come with Royal views of Buckingham Palace and Spencer House, as well lots of ducks, swans and geese to feed. Hyde Park offers the opportunity to venture off the pathways and into the longer grass and under the trees that leave you feeling like you’re in the middle of the countryside. Pack a picnic, water or wine for a lazy afternoon as an outdoor date. Top tip: go super early and pick up a croissant and coffee.

 

Country walks are now allowed, and if you have a car to drive out all the better. If not rent one for 24 hours to give you the freedom. Government guidance says “day trips to outdoor open spaces, in a private vehicle, are permitted’. If you love Winnie the Pooh, then it’s time you visited the spaces that inspired his stories. Ashdown Forest is not far out of London and here is a guide to making the walk.

 

If you need fresh sea air then the South Downs Way offer spectacular views and plenty of space to feel free for your outdoor date. The Thames outside London offers some of the most beautiful riverside walks within proximity of the capital. Goring Gap and the Riverside Path are a perfect place to experience the beauty.

 

Mid evening walks are great while it’s light so late, and also when you don’t have to dodge so many people out and about. Pack a bottle of champagne and glasses for a stroll along the Embankment – a lovely spot as the sun goes down and the lights on the Battersea Bridge begin to twinkle like a diamante necklace. Walk down Old Church Street in Chelsea to the garden at the end for moments of quiet contemplation.

 

Slowly and surely the opportunity to interact and venture out is resuming. Whatever you do, be safe and careful, always following the guidance, and before long, we’ll be sharing our top tips on places open for you to dine and clink glasses like we used to.

Rachel Vida MacLynn

Founder & CEO of The Vida Consultancy

Rachel Vida MacLynn is reputed as being a world-leading matchmaking and dating expert. Registered as a Chartered Psychologist with the British Psychological Society, Rachel advocates a professional matchmaking approach based on psychological principles and professional consultation.

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5 tips for Dating Through Divorce, by Samantha Woodham of The Divorce Surgery

Dating and divorce aren’t words you often see in the same sentence. But the reality is that they often come together. It is entirely possible to do divorce and dating well, and at the same time, so we thought we’d set out a few tips and pitfalls we have picked up in our many divorce cases to help you do just that.

Divorce is a life change, and as you go through the process you are navigating towards a new chapter of your life – a new you. You’ll want to explore all sorts of questions – where you want to live, work, what do you want to prioritise, how do you want to feel about yourself. And dating may well be part of that journey of self-discovery.

  1. Don’t let your Old Relationship Define your New One

The best start is a good ending. If you can manage divorce well, you are far more likely to start a new relationship well. Why? Because if you can rationalise the relationship you had, what your drew from it in terms of positives and what you can happily leave behind, you will have worked out what you want for the future. You can then make engaged and conscious choices about what you are looking for in life, whether you want to date, yet or at all, who you want to date and why.

So how to end a divorce well? Mindset is crucial. If you go into a divorce thinking it will be an awful battle, it will be. As a society we have an ingrained preconception that divorce is stressful, ruinously expensive and takes far too long. But it really does not have to be that way. You may not have chosen to get divorced, but the way you divorce is your choice. Don’t allow divorce to become something that is happening to you – take charge of it. If you get into a mindset of engaging and taking charge, you will immediately start to feel better and more empowered.

The most important message to understand is that divorce is a shared problem. The only way to divorce well, and by that I mean extricate yourself with an outcome which is legally fair to you, with dignity, for affordable cost and in a sensible timescale, is if you both divorce well. The reason for that is simple: either you both agree on an arrangement with regards the division of your finances and/or the care of your children or a Judge will impose a decision on you (after a long, expensive and often painful Court process). So the sooner you start engaging in what is fair for both of you, and your children, rather than what you each want, the better, because you will then be making choices in the way a Judge would.

But many couples do not know what ‘fair’ looks like in their situation. Legal advice is important, because these are huge decisions with lifelong ramifications, and because a Judge will only approve an agreement which is legally fair. Many couples, however, still do not realise that they do not have to instruct separate solicitors to obtain legal advice on divorce. One Couple One Lawyer services, as offered at The Divorce Surgery, enable separating couples to get joint impartial advice together from one lawyer for a fixed cost. You can read more about our One Couple One Lawyer services here https://www.thedivorcesurgery.co.uk/what-is-one-couple-one-lawyer/

  1. Do be Respectful towards your Ex

This is a person you chose to marry. Maybe you also chose to have children together. Unless you are extremely unlucky, there should be a significant amount of happy memories you created together. Don’t let the ending contaminate everything that went before.

Treating divorce as a shared problem is a good place to start, because it will focus both of your minds on the benefits of working together. It’s an emotional roller-coaster, and of course can be fraught at times. When you find yourselves getting at each other take some space (even moving to another room if you’re in the same home). Remember you are navigating a process- it can be stressful at times but 42% of all married couples go through it. A good tip is to speak to your ex in the same way you would a work colleague – be civil and reasonable.

And when it comes to dating- don’t hold back in communicating with your ex. The instinct is to hide it for fear of upsetting your ex. But actually, it’s much worse finding out about something after the fact than knowing in advance. If you want to start dating again, try to include this in a conversation as early as you can. And if you have children, please be extremely sensitive. There is no need for your children to know you are dating, and if you’ve met someone special and over time you decide you would like to introduce them to your children, speak to your ex about it first. Be prepared to be patient – It may take your ex a little longer than you to come to terms with this transition, but it will be so much better for your children if you can present a new partner with a neutral narrative both parents can agree on.  At The Divorce Surgery we often advise separated couples together on many issues surrounding post separation co-parenting, and this is one which often comes up. Please do reach out for joint advice if you think it could help you both- these can be choppy waters to navigate, but if you put in the effort to do it well it will be so worth it in the long run.

  1. Don’t be a Divorce Bore!

Your date does not want to hear about your ex. They don’t want to live your divorce drama (although if you’ve followed the first two tips hopefully the drama is to a minimum).

The best way not to be a Divorce Bore is to divorce well. If you’re going through a divorce process which is on the whole constructive and focussed, you just won’t feel the need to talk to your date about it. It’s also important to be able to engage properly with the person in front of you, and without hang-ups from your old relationship invading your conversation. If you’re unable to go on a date without talking about your divorce, reflect on whether it’s the right time for you to be dating yet or not.

  1. Do Ditch the Guilt

If you take nothing else from this article, please take this: you have nothing to feel guilty about. 42% of marriages end in divorce. You are not a failure. You are just going through a life change. As a society we continue to stigmatise divorce, but we need to get over it. It is so damaging for your mental health to be in a negative mindset. So re-frame it. Think of the various challenges your family and friends are also going through. This is a challenge, yes, but one that you can and will overcome.

And don’t feel guilty about dating! Provided that you are separated, and you have treated your ex respectfully then you are allowed to start exploring what your new life apart will be like. And that includes dating (if you want it to). Equally, if you find out your ex is dating, please don’t feel despondent. What’s really tough about the emotional fallout of divorce is that you will both go through the same stages but at different times. It’s extremely common for one spouse to start dating long before the other can even contemplate it. But that’s ok. It’s not a race. Far better to spend the time building yourself up, learning who you want to be with your newfound lease of life, than rushing into a relationship for the sake of it.

  1. Do be Open to New Adventures

Don’t confuse dating with commitment. You are coming out of a committed relationship- there is no need (unless you want to and you are ready) to launch straight into another one. Of course communicate openly with the people you are dating so they know where you are coming from, but use this time to have fun! And if you don’t want to date and can’t bear the idea of it- that’s fine too. Reclaim this time for yourself. Do not allow well-meaning family and friends to frog-march you into some dreadful blind date if you don’t fancy it. That’s three hours of your life you could have been having a glass of wine and watching Netflix!

Just be positive- focus on you and what you want and need, and whatever adventures are waiting for you will surely come.

Samantha Woodham

Samantha Woodham is founder of The Divorce Surgery and has practised family law as a barrister for over a decade, advising couples on the finances and arrangements for their children on family breakdown. She has represented high profile and high net worth clients. Samantha started her legal career at Freshfields Bruckhaus Deringer qualifying as a solicitor in 2004. She is a trained collaborative lawyer and mediator and ranked as a leading individual in her field in both The Legal 500 and Chambers and Partners.

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