The advantages and disadvantages of personal dating Rendezvous style (versus online dating)
A – Age
In personal dating he/she can’t lie about their age. That way there’s no surprises when you open the front door for your first online date and Yoda’s standing there.
B – Body Odour
In personal dating you can’t conceal the fact you’ve got dreadful BO. Change your deodorant.
C – Chemistry
You know it right away – meeting someone and suddenly your throat’s dry, your hands are sweaty and the sparks flying around the room threatening to singe your eyebrows. Go with it – they need a trim anyway!
D – Dandruff
In personal dating you can run, but you can’t hide. Change you shampoo.
E – Exit strategy
An exit strategy is a little more complicated than onlines solution of just pressing ‘delete’. If it’s too late to just back off, try saying you’ve had an allergic reaction to the satay sauce on the hors d’oeuvres, and need to go home.
F – Food
Food in your teeth can be a visual killer. Avoid caviar and anything with sesame seeds.
G – Gob-smacking
You know right away that someone is naturally stunning – and not been photo-shopped.
H – Height
In personal dating, you can’t lie about your height, and vice versa. Nothing worse than going to meet someone you’ve met on-line and they come up to your armpits (see B above.)
I – I’ll call you
In personal dating hopefully if he/she says this, they mean it – after all, they’ve had loads of other options that night. Either that or they’re a cad.
J – Jokes
This is tricky – in personal dating you’ve got to be good at this or you won’t get a second look in. Jokes about autism, 9/11, rape, incest, fat people, and the holocaust, generally aren’t a good idea. In fact, just skip jokes altogether.
K – Kiss and tell
If you do get lucky and then meet up again at the next Rendezvous because it didn’t work out, best to refrain from kissing and telling, or you might end up wearing a tray of canapes on your head.
L – Laugh
In personal dating, if they laugh like a hyaena, you can quietly back off. In online dating, it’s too late to discover she’s a bunny-boiler until you’re at the café.
M – Movies
This is a great conversation starter. Just don’t admit you watched ‘Saw’ 37 times.
N – Nerves
In personal dating you’re bound to mess it up in the first get-together. Have a drink and repeat this mantra to yourself ‘breathe in, breathe out, move on.’
O – Other people
You get to check out around 50-100 people at any one event, which is much more time efficient than online dating where you trawl through thousands. Plus you don’t get RSI.
P – Pick-up lines
It’s far too easy to use dreadful pick-up lines when you’ve had a few drinks. Never use, “Okay, I’m here, what do you want for your next wish?”
Q – Questions
In personal dating you will most likely get a slap across the face if you ask her whether or not she is wearing underwear.
R – Randy
It is not okay to admit you haven’t had sex for 6 months and would he/she like to come home with you. In online dating however, you can broach the subject with a little less desperation.
S – Shoes
You can check out their shoes before making contact. If he is wearing cowboy sandal boots, or she is wearing thigh-high fringed zebra boots, back off quietly.
T – Three Day Rule
If you meet someone you like, it is usual to wait three days before inviting them out on a ‘real’ date, so you don’t appear to be desperate. However, if you’ve been struck by ‘C’ or ‘G’ above, then 11.30 p.m. that night is kind of cute (note: men only!)
U – Unusual
You can tell pretty much right away if they have an unusual smell following them around. If it smells like fenugreek (see ‘B’ above’), or chloroform, back off quietly.
V – Venue
Personal dating is normally conducted in sophisticated venues that help set the tone of the evening. In online dating if he/she asks to meet you at the greyhound racing track well, hopefully you’ll have the good sense to decline.
W – Wife
In personal dating the guests have been vetted so that one doesn’t discover 6 months down the track that there’s a wife and 3 kids lurking about.
X – X factor
You can tell pretty much right away if he/she has the X factor – an indescribable quality or something about a person that you can’t put your finger on. If you find it, and like it, don’t let it go!
Y – Yawning
This is as great a sin as farting in the elevator. If you have to do it, pretend you suddenly have to tie up your shoelaces (men), or look for something in your handbag (women).
Z – Zit
Having a pimple the size of The Royal Albert Hall on your chin can be a problem. Use ice to reduce the inflammation, apply concealer, and set with powder. For men, adopt The Thinker look, and press your hand to your chin as if deep in thought.
Bambi Smyth, is the Author of Men on the Menu and our guest speaker for our October 2015 party at Goat Chelsea.
