February 25, 2017
Dating tips, News
Artisan du Chocolat. 21st February 2017
We had an amazing evening this week at Artisan du Chocolat. I don’t know about you, but I am so fond of my female friends and having a night with just the girls for a change was a treat. At Rendezvous we believe that if you’re single you should explore every avenue to find your perfect partner. Now Dating Apps aren’t for everyone and certainly not for the faint hearted, but if there are a few of us out there who are brave enough to venture out and meet some new men via the safe apps that digital expert Louise Robertson recommended during our event and then bring them along to a Rendezvous event to join the fun….what is there to lose!
Delightful Dating Coach Ané Auret chatted to us about not limiting ourselves to the ‘he’s not my type’ shrug-off we all know so well. But rather being open to finding someone who will respect and adore you just as much as you can do for them.
Read Ané’s blog below.
Some lovely feedback:
“Once again Barbara, you have excelled! A truly inspirational evening for ladies with fabulous Chocolate, Chats and Apps on the menu at Artisan Du Chocolat.
Introducing us all to the safe apps, giving some of us lessons to take away and experiment with, and chatting to like-minded ladies. Ane Auret is a true delight. Her experience and insights were so global, it was reassuring! I will certainly be looking forward to chatting with her further. Thank you for a wonderful evening, and I look forward to future events with a renewed confidence!”
Thank you for a lovely night last night. It was such an indulgent environment to gain the confidence to tackle those dating Apps! Lou was hugely reassuring about the safety aspects and the Ane offered insight into how we could help ourselves find the right relationship. And there was lots of chocolate!”
Ané’s blog – ‘he’s not my type’
The evening marked nearly 7 years since I first met my (second) husband. I shared the story of how I walked into a room –– and there he was. Bald, 12 years older than me and not the kind of 6-foot rugby player that I had insisted was my type.
But what was impossible to ignore was his amazingly strong, confident presence. His ‘vibe’ or energy, some might say aura. It’s the thing that we as human beings have the most amazing ability to tune into and creates the deepest of connections.
To this day, I still think his vibe is his most attractive quality. Aside from thinking he’s the sexiest man alive!
So what do I mean by vibe exactly?
Your vibe is what you consistently project to others around you – consciously and unconsciously. It is what you believe to be true about yourself: your desire to love and to be loved. Your desire to be accepted and seen. It is your shadow and your light. It is the fears, doubts and insecurities you carry. But it is also your deepest held beliefs about love, relationships, dating, men, women, intimacy, sex and commitment – and your place in it.
In our own unique ways, our vibe can be the main thing that blocks us from being open to love. It can be all-powerful, like it was for my husband, or it can stop love in its tracks. Just like that.
When I work with my clients, we spend a lot of time getting to the root of what may be blocking them or holding them back from finding love. We explore:
– What do I project to others?
– What are my destructive beliefs, stories, insecurities, fears and unresolved pain?
– What might I have been doing for a lifetime that I need to learn to leave behind?
Until we get to the root of what is blocking love from our lives we won’t change our experience of love.
The truth about finding love (again) and attracting the right person for you is not about the external tactics – the ‘rules’ or game strategies – but the inner work and shifts you have the power to make. This is the key to stop second guessing yourself and the worry about whether you are getting it right or wrong on the dating scene.
5 ways you may be blocking yourself from finding love (again)
My clients often tell me they are ready for a committed relationship but at the same time, they are sabotaging their chances of success because of an internal commitment that is actually more important to them at this stage in their lives. It may be their career, it may be their freedom or it may be that they’re not sure about sharing their life, home, family or even finances again.
2. Being out of alignment
This happens when your desires, thoughts, actions and beliefs are out of line. An example of this is when you say you want a committed relationship, but keep investing time in hookups, short term flings or spending time with someone you know deep down is not right for you. You keep hoping this person will change into what you want them to be.
It could also be that you say you want a relationship, but deep down have no belief that it will happen for you, stay in night after night and don’t create any new connections or expand your social circle.
3. Not being ready
Let’s be honest: the dating scene is in no way an even playing field. There are plenty of people out there who aren’t ready for a relationship, but they start relationships – sometimes over and over again. When you’re not truly relationship ready, you may push people away as soon as they get close, or you may still be emotionally connected to your ex. You can check out whether you need a little readiness TLC with my quick and easy Relationship Readiness Quiz here: www.datingcoach.uk/quiz
4. Unresolved wounds and triggers
Bringing unresolved grief, trauma and emotions into your dating journey and a new relationship can cause so much hurt. Again, these are things that we project onto others – fear of being hurt again, fear of trusting someone again, fear of rejection. Getting into dating and a relationship from a position of fear and loneliness is not the best starting point for the healthy, happy and mature relationship you’re looking for.
Resolution needs to come before connection.
5. Blind spots around your habits and patterns
We are all beautiful and wonderful in our own way. And we all have set ways of behaving in a relationship that are based on how we feel about ourselves. These can be constructive or destructive. It is our job to get to the root of the habits and patterns that don’t serve us well – and it’s not always that easy because we often have blind spots when it comes to our own behaviour.
One of the harshest truths I ever had to face about my journey to find love again was this:
The relationships we attract mirror the relationship we have with ourselves.
If you’re not getting the results you want in your love life, or you keep attracting the ‘wrong’ kind of people, I’d encourage you to look inwards first.
You can change the dating site, app, parties, events and even partners as often as you like, but unless you do the work you uniquely need to do, you may keep ending up back at square one.
Your best relationship is still ahead of you. And I’m excited for you!